The event was held in a collection of backyards of the of houses of the members of a huge family, also attended by close friends, neighbors, and me.
I remember a man in a kind of quickstep carrying the older of two brothers, who clearly wasn't right— he seemed to be unaware of being carried and resisting. When they passed, the younger brother said to me, "I wish I were as sick as my brother so that my dad might love me as much."
I awoke alarmed, knowing deeply in my heart that the boy was wrong.
I've been the recipient of events so unlikely and so numerous that I have been confused by the thought. Maybe it isn't enough for me to heal myself up, beat the cancer, and then resume my life. I will write the book about fear and cancer, but maybe that isn't enough. The guy who doesn't believe in miracles does believe he's developing weak knees. The question that nailed me this weekend is, is there anything I can do, should do, must do with the rest of my life to merit such gifts? Is it even possible? Since then I've been having strange dreams that haunt me when awake.
It feels like a knock upside the head. No one is this lucky.
Dear Lonnie, Has the thought that God loves you so much that
ReplyDeletewhatever it is that we go though here on planet Earth, we have the
assurance of this incredible love no matter what? Just a thought. Shirley
Dear Lon, He is waiting to hear from you. Miracles happen every day thanks. We ask God for them but don't recognize that he has answered our prayers. We are praying for your recovery if it be his will. Blessings to you and your family Lon:) Lynne
ReplyDeleteLon, thanks so much for sharing your dream...I have just been reading a book, Dream Keys for the Future, by Lauren Lawrence, and have been paying close attention to my dreams. Listen to them! And, keep us posted! Eagerly following your progress and wishing you well!
ReplyDeleteBecky in NC
Dreams that keep us pondering their meaning(s) I believe are messages for us, guides for us to redirect us on our Path. You are loved, you are being healed, and if you want to do something BIG because of that outcome, then I align with your intention for the highest and best good of all concerned. Dream on!!
ReplyDeleteLonnie-
ReplyDeleteRemember that all of the drugs that you are on and the anxiety that you have been feeling about the outcome of this current procedure can play games with your brain. Don't concern yourself with the dreams and their meaning. Live each moment as it occurs. It will become clear to you over time what the next part of your life's journey will be. Things unfold when it's time and when we are ready.
Keep healing. Also know that we all love you and know that you will be the wonderful you who you are when it is time again.
Nancy
"No one is this lucky"
ReplyDeleteThat's a very subjective notion. To me, you have been through hell on earth with this cancer. Apparently, there is more for you to do here before you leave. My thoughts would be to accentuate the positive, be grateful for second chances, enjoy the great love you've found, and wait for enlightenment as to your purpose here.
Btw, love you and miss you in Middle Earth!
Isil/Cathy
My identity was chosen for me one rainy day at Dachau. Like all Jews, even we of the Reform persuasion get nervous using The Name. I'll go as far as G-d in print if I have to. Call it superstition if you like, but I would prefer to avoid religious discussion of all persuasions. On the other hand, I welcome all who wish to pray for me to do so in their own traditions.
ReplyDelete