Photographs you DON'T want to see

 

This is what I looked like a while back and 45lbs heavier, before the mini-allo transplant was even an idea. Recently, Ivonne showed me pictures of myself in the Intensive Care Unit. I was stunned, first at how awful I looked, then by the magnitude of the disaster I had survived.

Many of my dear friends visited me repeatedly in the ICU, even though my delirium prevented me from being aware of them. For a time it was rather obvious that I wasn't going to survive, what with heart problems (tachycardia, atrial fibrillation), kidney failure, pneumonia, liver dysfunction, and a severe gastrointestinal infection. I am profoundly touched that they wanted to be with me, but not one whit sorry to have wasted their time!

I have been reluctant to post Ivonne's pictures because I find them to be deeply disturbing. But perhaps you'll see them differently. I did promise to record everything about the transplant (I failed), so I put the pictures in this post after a big gap. You can decide for yourselves if you want to look at them. (If you click on them, I believe they will enlarge.)

[I remember trying to use my laptop, which was on the over-bed table just a few inches above me. Although I struggled mightily, I did not have the strength to lift my arm high enough to reach the keyboard. That's one reason I couldn't post a daily diary of events.]

One picture is rather fuzzy but I included it because it shows something like eleven drugs being infused into me at the same time.

Meanwhile, here's one I can put here:

Not Dead, Just Hiding

The Beginning

One of a Great Many Transfusions

I Have Hair!

 

Beginning to Feel the Pain

Still In My Room

 

In Intensive Care Not Long After the Above

Blurry, But Count the IV Pumps

Click on my Vampire Picture

Platelets, I Think. These were an Everyday Thing

What is this machine??

  

I Don't Like It! (click on it)

  A Bit Later

I Survived!